“I hate new country music because the genre has shifted from being retelling of folk tales and tales of the underprivileged working class of the American south and has now boiled down to bragging about your truck.”: absolutely
-”What the heck is that noise?” a question I ask 10x a day.
-”Emotions? What are those?” *5 mins later* “Oh no, I’m so sad!”
-’Jake, why are you shouting?’ “I’M NOT SHOUTING!… oh”
-”Today is gonna be such a good day!” *someone speaks to me* “Oh god I was so wrong… back to bed for me!”
-’Why is your room so messy?’ “I HAVE A SYSTEM! Everything has a place!”
-*stays up till 4am watching/reading SpIn related stuff* “It was worth it!”
-*someone does a thing that messes with my senses* “Could you just… not be here any longer? Thanks!”
-’Would you like a hug?’ “Lemme check my sensory schedule…” *brings out elaborate star chart* “Uh… Mercury says no, sorry, maybe next time!”
-“Ah, good autism gods, will it be a meltdown, shutdown, or panic attack today?”
-”DO NOT TOUCH ME” *a day later* “OH LORD I WANT A HUG!”
-”Oh is that a song?” *Must sing/dance even though I’m not good at either.*
-”Me? Stimming throughout a film? Well what else would I do?”
-“Heatwave you say?” *continues to wear long sleeves and jeans all summer*
-”Did you know [INSERT KNOWLEDGE]?” ‘Jacob, have you been watching QI again? “Uh… who is this Jacob you speak of, I am fact-man… master of stuff”
-”Oh, I don’t feel like talking” *info dumps for an hour anyway*
-”Well I haven’t watched Doctor Who in a while…” *hears new theme* “I WOULD DIE FOR DOCTOR WHO, I AM THE BIGGEST FAN, AND I SHALL NOW TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT IT!” [applies to most old SpIns tbh]
-”Today was perfect… too perfect…” *autism gods laugh from above* “Oh no…”
-”I have to eat again?” ‘yes’ “BUT… I REMEMBERED TO EAT YESTERDAY!”
-*realises sadness was in fact prolonged hunger* “Oh… this food stuff is good”
-”Well! Goodnight everyone! I’m so tired, gotta go!” *goes to bed, with tablet armed full of SpIn content… once again does not sleep till 4am*
-”Spoons? In this economy?”
-”I’ll write down the thing so I don’t forget it!” *forgets to write the thing*
-”THE SUNRISE WAS SO NICE” ‘Jake… did you not sleep at all again?’
-“When will the autism mother-ship come back for me?” *weeps because NTs are so exhausting to share an existence with* “PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!”
-*makes witty joke* *laughs at own joke* *nobody else laughs*
-”But you said we were gonna go?” ‘plans change Jake’ *brooding sadness*
-”Oh sure, I can do the sarcasm… watch” *success* *someone replies with sarcasm* *I do not understand them*
-*Error, socialskills.exe was not found* “AH! I DELETED IT AGAIN”
-”Do you know this horrifying fact?” “well you do now!”
-”Please stop talking to me, I’m trying to daydream to cope with being here”
-*NT is not nice* “Oh dear autism gods, why did I try making friends?”
-’you were only diagnosed this year?’ “That’s right!” ‘what if you’re not really autistic?’ “HOW DARE YOU! *5 minutes later* “NOT REALLY AUTISTIC? WHAT HAPPENS IN MY BRAIN IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” [Yes, a B99 ref!]
-’So, do you have a lot of SpIns?’ *My evil laugh begins* ‘Oh no’ “OH YES- BEHOLD THE MANY SpIns, all 800 of them! Be free my SpIns!”
-”Hey, can I info-dump to you?” ‘yes’ *falls in love*
-”Oh, I actually like this NT” ‘Why do you like me?’ “did I say that out loud?”
-”YOU HAVE A PET? YOU ARE NOW MY FRIEND! SO IS YOUR PET!”
-*arrives somewhere very late, very tired* ‘So what kept you up this time, the lingering thoughts, the hyperactive mind, or SpIns?’ “All three…”
-’I think you might be over-analysing this’ “First of all, how dare you, second of all, you are infringing on my rights as a self-titled pro over-analysing autistic”
-’Wow, you’re surprisingly good at this social stuff’ “Uh…” *masking crumbles*
-’Were you looking at me?’ “Oh, no, just staring into the void!”
-”I love Christmas! All the shiny lights! The presents! The love!” ‘aren’t those the things that usually overwhelm you?’ “Hey, I don’t make the autism rules.”
-*sees someone I have not seen since before my diagnosis* ‘So were you always autistic, or?’ *looks into the camera like I’m on The Office*
-*feels a nice texture* “Ooo, that’s some good kush”
-*plays very loud music, is not overwhelmed* *someone speaks outside the house very quietly* “Here comes the Meltdown baby! Best be ready!”
-*Plane flies overhead- v. loud!* “THIS IS THE BAD PLACE” [yes, a TGP ref]
-”You think I have an attention span?” *cry-laughs* *retreats to bedroom*
-’Jacob is a little sensitive… a little different…’ “JUST SAY I’M AUTISTIC!”
-”Maybe if I pretend the things that make me feel bad don’t exist, they’ll vanish from existence!” *things still exist* *meltdown has been scheduled for now*
-’Are those yesterday’s clothes?’ “Oh! No! I have duplicates of all my comfiest clothes, don’t you?” ‘No…’ “AUTISM MOTHER-SHIP WHERE ARE YOU?!”
-’You handle stress quite well!’ “Thanks, I’ve been doing it all my life!”
-’Coordination?’ “Did you mean no coordination?”
-”You’re autistic/ND too?” ‘yeah’ “Let’s be friends!” *finds best friend*
-’would you like a cure for autism?’ “Oh my sweet summer child, they can try to cure me all they like, but I will still be here, wreaking havoc… also, fuck no”
You know what really fucks over autistic kids? People always accusing them of being rude or having ‘a tone’ without explaining how what they said might be hurtful. Because it makes you grow up anxious in every social exchange, especially if you’re disagreeing with somebody. It could be the most calm exchange of views between friends, but every moment you’re overanalysing every little thing that comes out if your mouth.
